The Black man at the Sex and the City trivia party.

"I own the boxset and I don't regret it"

I have a confession to make.  I'm a 48 year old black man that’s a hip-hop-head, basketball-playing, video-gaming, dog owning  amorist with a lot of interests. And at this moment with all that is going on in the world, the one that intrigues me the most is whether I still love Sex and the City as much as I did when it first captured my attention twenty-six years ago. That’s why I’ve decided to rewatch the entire series from beginning to end, to see how I feel about the show once I'm done. I will not only rewatch the series to see if it still holds a place in my heart, but I’m also going to analyze the show to compare how much society and culture have changed since its debut. I will take the time to identify which parts of the show I related to back then, and why and whether those aspects are still relatable to me now

My love for the show started in 1999, when an ex from high school came back into my life and introduced me to it. It all began one Sunday evening. My ex and I were doing our usual thing, chatting on the phone all night like we did back in high school, when she said she had to call me back after her show ended. Naturally, I was curious. What could be more interesting than our trip down memory lane that it needed to be picked up later? I was curious because I thought I knew about all the good TV shows, so I had to find out what was so special about this show. “It’s called Sex and the City,” she told me.

I was not immediately on board. And I don’t think it should have been expected of me. It was a show about four single white women living in New York City during the late 90’s.  This show was not created with me in mind as the target demographic. Torn between making sure my masculinity wouldn’t be in question and wanting to show that I'm evolved and can evolve, I gave the show a shot. Plus, there was a part of me that was still in love with her.

The show was exactly what I expected based on the title—women having sex in the city. The city of New York was a character in itself. It was the late '90s transitioning into the 2000s. But honestly, these women had problems I couldn’t relate to at all. It was all about white women who felt entitled and complained that their seemingly perfect lives weren’t perfect enough. I’m guessing their experiences weren’t the same as those of most women watching the show. If the show was trying to reflect the times, it would’ve been more grounded, focusing on single moms dealing with sexual harassment at work, fighting to keep their reproductive rights, and pushing for better representation in politics. Getting upset because a guy sleeps on his left side instead of his right just doesn’t seem like a real reason to think you’ll never find what you want in a relationship.

But somehow, after just one episode, I was hooked.

I kept watching religiously, even after my ex and I split up again. I followed the show from the first episode to the finale and caught the movies—let’s be real, the first one was a hit, while the second felt like an unnecessary girls’ trip. I was a fan. I’d be a delightfully unexpected surprise at a Sex and the City trivia night, and I’d totally play it cool, like I was just a casual viewer. But I can tell you about every boyfriend Carrie had, every guy Miranda dated, and every partner Charlotte was with. I can even name half the men Samantha slept with. I’d never think to do the same for myself, though. I’d channel my inner Charlotte if anyone asked how many people I’ve slept with by pointing out how rude the question was.. It’s funny—if someone had asked me in 1999, I would’ve been embarrassed by how low the number was. Now, in 2024, I’m still ashamed—not for how low it was, but for how much it’s grown and how much of it has been meaningless

.

So here I am, 26 years later, navigating the labyrinth* of relationships, finances, social norms, and peeking behind the velvet curtain of privilege. I’m diving back into the world of Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha to see if my old crush still has the same charm or if my feelings have turned into simple nostalgia. Will the show still have its fairy dust, or will it be a reality check? It’s like stepping into one of Carrie Bradshaw’s infamous columns, but this time it’s from the perspective of a black guy who didn’t fully understand the person he was dating 26 years ago and is now trying to see if what he fell in love with was real or just infatuation or an attempt to make someone else happy. You’re more than welcome to join me on this journey.

[Carrie Bradshaw voice]

Epilogue

Once I’m done re-watching my beloved show to see if my affection has survived, I’ll decide whether to dive into And Just Like That. I may or may not do it for… reasons. The writing on the wall was clear: let it go. But like Carrie and Big, the show just can’t seem to let go.

*Labyrinth with Jennifer Connelly and David Bowie is one of my favorite movies, so I try to use the word every chance I get. 

[Maronzio Vance voice]

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